Tuesday, August 30, 2005

Forget the pegs, we hit the bottom of the barrel

Further to Lewis' latest jabs at my personal appearance, it would appear that he noticed they had an effect, because he has now reached new heights/scraped new lows in this little battle of wits. I do wish he didn't have such an excellent poker face.

Have you seen the Thunderbirds movie? Remember Rose Keegan playing Transom? That otherwise thoroughly beautiful woman whose 'I'm a baddy' prop was a really dodgy set of teeth?

Well if anyone can find me a shot of her, in that role, displaying those gnashers, I would be grateful. It just seems that, barring a short film clip, there are no fixed shots of that to be had - anywhere. Her promo shot is tight lipped, as is her photo on her artist profile (which is sad really, she could probably do with showing her real features) and where she has not been mysteriously dropped from the cast list altogether, she appears at best, with back-of-the-head shots. Its wrong.

Anyhoo, her character's teeth are something like a cross between these and these (sorry, blogger picture upload is on the fritz, will edit when it works again) - framed startlingly by proper, full, bee-sting lips of the starlet variety. The lips, I know, are her own. The movie was on TV last night.

Lewis: Ooh look mum, she's got teeth like yours!
Me, scowling: Do WHAT?
Lewis: Oh no, well, don't mind, I mean they are just as big as yours, but she cant get round them; your face fits yours.
Me: Pardon? As Big?
Lewis: Well maybe as big as yours, but she's smaller, so she doesn't fit.

I have an overbite, and have developed a slim version of the gap you can see on, ooh, Jilly Cooper or Madonna. Yup, thats it, I pretty much have Madonna teeth. Nonetheless, when my first husband bitched about everything, I did once, young and insecure, admit I could put them in a brace. I was about to shut him up with a few observations of my own, when his reply, out loud in a pub (and to the raucous laughter of his equally charming brother) was "Put 'em in a brace? You could put 'em in the back of a lorry!" What a wanker.

So you'll pardon me and understand if my youngest son's latest jibe has left me grumpy, bad tempered and with a desire to learn ventriloquism/chew on a brick.

No, forget the brick thing. The NHS the way it is these days, I'd end up with more gaps or metal caps.

That boy is gonna pay, this one is going down on the maternal list of insults that come out as 'funny stories' along with the nude baby photos, the very second he is old enough to bring a girlfriend home. Just you wait, kiddo.


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